I KILLED 3 HOBOS IN HIGH SCHOOL
(words and music by E.P. Schwartz)

She said "I killed 3 hobos in high school"
"And now nobody knows but you"
She was just so beautiful
Her words weren't really getting through

Now I'm sitting in this bank vault
wondering where it all went wrong
Should have done this, should have done that
and where my had my new love gone

She said she burned her town's hall of records
so no one knows who her parents were
I thought "What an interesting conversation
I can't believe I'm at the Cheesecake Factory with her"

Now I'm sitting in this jail cell
wondering if I should have stayed home
I'm wiping ink off my finger tips
Why won't my mom answer the phone

She said "I want a man who can go the distance.
I want a man who can take the fall"
I said "Me, baby, you know I'm falling."
I don't think that's what she meant at all

Now I'm sitting in this courtroom
choosing between love and a deal
they say it's better to have loved and lost
but that doesn't mean that I won't squeal

I throw myself on the mercy of the court
there was evil in her heart but her skirt was short
How was I supposed to cut and run
the devil's lips tasted like bubble gum
She kissed so good
it was probably the only thing good about her
I looked evil in the eye
and I fell, I won't deny